SOLILOQUY

I think I may be on the verge of madness. I often find myself in a plethora of wild vivid daydreams. Like today, I was on my bed the whole day, eyes closed, far from slumber. I retraced myself from as far back as I could remember and delved on all the big time decisions I've made. I decided to imagine my life thinking what happened in the alternate universe where I chose to be an athlete, or a painter, or a  politician, or a hippie, or maybe an out-of-school. I hated the feeling it brought (exception: fantasy on being hogwarts student) but I can't seem to stop the fantasy. At first I was so sure it's a graduating thing.  But the more I think about it, I think it's my fear of what will happen after college, of being completely independent, of being in constant pressure of responsibility. 

I hated the fantasies. It made me realize my life is dull. No matter how much I delude myself into thinking I'm contented, deep inside I know I can do more with what I was given. I'm going to be a year older this december. I am growing old and yet, it seems I am not growing up. 

It scary to think death can take its toll at any time and I haven't felt like I'm living my life. 

Having said that, here goes an oath.

I, Camille, otherwise known as Bas, shall promise to put my utmost effort in completing my bucket list. May it be that I finish said list before I lie eternally on my grave. May I reiterate that I do, solemnly swear that I will do WHATEVER it takes to succeed in this mission. 

So help me God.

Goodnight stranger.